Comfortably numb

There are only a few times in my life when I find myself in a complete daze, as if my consciousness was floating somewhere above my body. One time was when I first found out that my unborn son had only half a heart; one other was when the hospital called us after a cath procedure was nearly fatal. That is how I feel today. Today Jake went in for another catheter procedure. This time to stent open a narrow left pulmonary artery. He seemed be on a decline in the past few days and one of the nurses agreed that he really needed to get this procedure done in order start improving. The procedure was to take about 2-3 hours. Jacob went down to the cath lab at one PM and didn't get out until six. After all of the waiting and anticipation, we wrest told that they really couldn't do very much. The entire left PA was narrow and could not be stented. They tried to widen the artery using a balloon to no avail. At this point, there is not much that can be done to make his recovery faster or easier. I also asked about his heart condition. I was told that they were not happy with the progress that he was making and that he would most likely need heart medication all his life to make it beat stronger. This is not getting any easier on Christina and I. We cope rather well with most of this stuff, as if we had a choice, but we avoid the talk about the worst outcome. Today has brought us closer to that possibility.
Today we met a couple of people that were visiting their grandson, Michael. He is three and was undergoing the final phase of the HLHS reconstruction surgery, the Fontan. We were telling each other of the horrors of seeing a loved one have to go through this and it reminded me of Joann who we had met before Jacob was born. Her son went through this 9 years ago. He also had major complications. This has given me hope once more that we will get through this. One way or another.